:: The Princess Diaries ::

:: 30.1.03 ::

for one period everyday, i have to go to a topics in pre-calculus class with one of my students. i can't stand that class. it's partly because i have to leave the comforts of my classroom and be in the midst of the general high school population. and i always wonder what sorts of things will aggravate me in the halls. i usually let things go because i just don't want to deal with the kids. but, today, i couldn't. i saw a guy and girl (probably freshmen) pushing and twirling each other around. so, i stand right by them thinking that they'll stop. but, they don't. so, i tell them to stop and walk away. and as i'm walking away, i hear some snide remark about me and whether i'm a student or not. i turn around and go back and ask the kid what he said. and he can't get himself to repeat the remark. it becomes clear to him that i am a teacher and i ask him if he'd like to keep this up and go see his dean. he then, gets this look of terror in his face and barely apologizes as his little spoiled friends look on. am i a teacher? you're damn right i am.

on the flipside - every so often, i am reminded of how much i'd rather be where i am today than i was last year. i'm not saying that my life was terrible last year, 'cause it actually wasn't all that bad. but, there are certain duties and responsibilities that i would never take back - NEVER. but, this week has been a clear reminder of how happy i am with my job this year and that i should stop complaining so much.

:: debbie 1/30/2003 04:43:00 pm [+] ::
...

what? is it really only wednesday?
what? i've still got three and a half more months with these kids?
is this really the profession i've chosen to go into?
god help me, 'cause i just want to die.

:: debbie 1/29/2003 04:22:00 pm [+] ::
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when it rains, it pours.

so, today at work was the arrival of a student we had last year. this student, oh... let's call her "rebecca," i actually worked with one-on-one last year. and there's a reason why i'm not working with her this year - i was going insane. okay, maybe not insane, but i was turning into this terrible person. it wasn't just because of her, because she's actually a good kid. it's just the ugly situation she's involved in. - her parents are crazy. they believe she can see when she's blind. she's taking academic courses when she's cognitively 5 years old. you know, all the good stuff. well, anyway, to make a long story short, she was brought back into our program this semester because the other program wasn't "academically meeting her needs." (i won't comment on that.) so, after having a slight panic attack last night and dreading going to work, the day turned out to be... TERRIBLE! and it wasn't just "rebecca," it was a whole slew of them. oh, let's call them, "michael, patrick, ben and beeres." we had a kid who kept bolting out of the room and ran off into the cafeteria kitchen. we had kids not listening, talking a lot more than usual, and just being plain difficult. why all of the problems? it could be the weather. it could be the barometric pressure. it could be their meds. it could be that they are just annoying brats. who knows. things don't happen in small servings for us. when the problems come, they come in the family-sized servings. but, it all builds character, right? whatever, i can do without it.

:: debbie 1/28/2003 07:53:00 pm [+] ::
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here's a twist to your traditional superbowl party -
watching it with a bunch of girls and eating "healthy" snacks. sadly, only one of us understood the game. and instead of actually paying attention to the game, the "moving" yellow yard line was of more interest. but, we were good. we sat and watched the entire game. so, not your typical testosterone-driven party, but it was fun.

i've been noticing something every morning i drive into work. there are always a few teachers who do not come out of their cars right away. it looks like they're trying to finish listening to something on the radio, but i know the real reason. they're trying to avoid the impossible - the students and whatever the typical high school day brings. contrary to popular belief, teachers do not jump out of their cars, shout for joy, and run into the school building. instead, they will sit in their cars, listen to whatever is on the radio, stare out into the rest of the parking lot, and think about pulling out of the parking lot and calling in sick. this can go on for almost 20 minutes sometimes. but, that little voice always prevails and out comes the teacher. do i do this? you bet i do.

:: debbie 1/27/2003 12:44:00 pm [+] ::
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groupies, band-aides, whatever... same difference.

so, i go to the borders in wilmette to study and there's some band playing in the cafe area. hmm, interesting. i sit down to study and i can't help but watch these guys. this "band" is made up of two white guys from flint, michigan. they could have been deadringers for typical, rich, spoiled North Shore kids. i admit, they weren't too bad, were sort of funny, and pretty cute. but, whatever. while they were playing, i couldn't help notice the females in the "audience" drooling over these two guys and laughing so hard at their jokes. so typical, isn't it? girls falling for guys in a band. and you know that these guys know these girls are going gaga - talking to them after the performance, asking for their autographs, looking at them with wide eyes - and loving every moment of it. terrible. it makes me sad. and just in case you're curious, they're playing at the borders in evanston at 2pm. i think they mentioned that at least 10 times during the thirty minutes i saw them.

:: debbie 1/25/2003 12:05:00 am [+] ::
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an otherwise, fantastic trip

sun and i tried our best in london. we really did. our hotel (the best western paddington court) was rated as a three and a half star hotel. so, aside from the rude concierge, puny room, the twelve inch tv, the hairdryer that was on a timer, and the huge leak in the bathroom ceiling, it was great! on the flight back, we were surrounded by men who insisted on taking off their shoes and socks. that left an unbearable smell and made the flight attendent crank up the air vent thing. and while some lady was taking her suitcase out of the overhead bin, she managed to drop the thing on my shoulder. AND she didn't apologize. what's with that? but considering some of the circumstances we were under, i think we did pretty well. we had a great time. the weather cooperated with us for the most part and i got some damn good caramel macchiatos, sticky toffee pecan bars, steak and cheese from harvey's, and just soaked in the english atmosphere. everything just "felt right" while i was there. but, it's not so bad to be back in chicago. really, it isn't.

:: debbie 1/21/2003 12:16:00 pm [+] ::
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weekend getaway...

yes, i realize that the semester has just started and that i am already "running away." who cares. after MLK weekend, my life is over. i will have no other day where i will not need to go to work or class. where am i going? london, of course! well, not "of course." it was just more like a golden opportunity (thanks sun!) and yes, i am well aware that winters in london are drab and cold and rainy. but, it's london, how can i refuse? true, this little weekend trip will put me deeper in debt. but, it'll be worth it. i need a break from painfully cold winds, kids wearing their clothes backwards, annoying and spoiled high school students, and everything that has become routine and boring. plus, chances to hang out with your close friend in one of the greatest cities in the world don't happen often. so, london it is! that's not so much to ask for, right? i thought so.

:: debbie 1/15/2003 04:41:00 pm [+] ::
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is that my engine that's on fire?

so, my car goes through this funny (and probably rather dangerous) routine. as i am driving (usually in traffic or on my way to an appointment), i will see some sort of steam rising from the hood of my car. when i look at the temperature gauge, there's nothing unusual. after a couple of weeks of this, (again usually while i'm in traffic or some potential dangerous/trapped situation) the temperature gauge will get higher and higher. then, it redlines. i'll tell my dad, "dad, the temperature is going up in my car" or "dad, there's steam coming from the hood of my car." he'll tweak around with the car, put some anti-freeze or something in it and everything is (or seems) fine. but, sure enough, a week later, i will again notice steam and then, the temp goes up. now, one would think that there is something rather wrong with the car and it might not be all that safe. but, on one occasion, after looking at the car and not finding any visible problems, my parents think it's a ploy to get another car. "no, really. something is wrong." well, even if there is something wrong (and there is), there is no money to get another car. so, if you're driving and see a '87 maroon 190E benz smoking (or on fire), wave or stop by. it's probably me. or maybe i can setup a website and ask strangers for money, like that lady from savekaryn.com who has a huge credit card debt. and... maybe not. my car will be in flames before that happens.

:: debbie 1/06/2003 08:23:00 pm [+] ::
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eh... you're not so pretty...

several years ago, on the way home from a family new years day function, my mom says, "i'm so lucky! i have such good and smart children. my son is soooo handsome (as she turns around with a beaming smile)." she then turns towards me and says, "debbie. eh, debbie, eh, you're not so pretty. (my jaw drops to the floor of the car and my brother laughs) but you're cute." "uh... gee, thanks mom." okay, now i know that there are worse things than being cute. but, come on! babies and puppies are cute. stuffed animals are cute. 23 (almost 24 year old) women should have outgrown "cute" by now. but, i guess such is life. and leave it to your mom to be brutally honest with you.

:: debbie 1/05/2003 02:51:00 pm [+] ::
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this blog was actually posted on the 27th of december... something went screwy, so i had to repost it.

is this what i was looking for?

so, i'm the sort of person who needs to experience and know things for herself. for instance, i need to experience and know myself that eating too much ice cream will give me terrible cramps and intestine-twisting, leg-numbing pains to understand what it means to be lactose-sensitive. and this is the same with people. and in one particular case, i was advised to forget and drop a certain person, whom shall not be named. i was told this person was no good and not worth my time. but, noooooo.... i had to experience and know this for myself. i needed closure. ahh... closure. closure has never been a friend of mine, ever. and why would it be this time? and if what is known is right, closure has betrayed me once again.
so, is this what i was looking for? can i let myself let go now? or, will i continue to torture myself and end up only more hurt? hmm... i'd rather not answer that. van gogh might have cut his ear off, but it doesn't compare to what i do to myself.

on a happier note, it's just a matter of time for me to bounce back and forget about this particular person. it'll be like we never met. come on, did you really think i would let someone get to me that bad? please.

:: debbie 1/03/2003 01:26:00 am [+] ::
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2002 wrap-up (i know, it's late. so what'cha gonna do?)

so, another end to another year - it's about time! so, let's take a look back at some of the highlights - because you want to know
- survived living at home without seriously hurting myself or my family
- being convinced that i do not want to end up with a korean (or asian) guy... oh, please GOD!
- figured out that i want be a special education teacher
- turned 23 and realized that i ain't getting any younger and that my body is aging twice as fast.
- faught with the grad school admissions director of northeastern university - oops!
- visited boston and realized that i won't be going back, unless to visit
- rejected from northeastern (northeastern?!?) - bastards
- spent the summer in oxford, england to study, experience english life, and meet englishmen (and not in that order)
- met my kindred
- was informally accepted to go to nyu just by eating with the department chair
- went shopping in milan, italy (it's a PRADA bag, not a PRADO bag)
- saw The Cure in concert, wandered around london, spent the night at heathrow airport - all in one night/morning with one person
- accepted to uic's grad school
- worked full-time and went to school near full-time without losing my sanity
- commuted to uic from skokie - the only thing saving me from the headaches of traffic? the beautiful chicago skyline
- visited my oxford crew in new york
- went to dean and deluca and bought a t-shirt - just like felicity
- the release of U2's best of 1990-2000 and david gray's a new day at midnight - on the same day
- the beastie boys - yes! i'm going to listen to them... AGAIN!
- countless classic, laugh so hard you'll pee in your pants, i'll remember and cherish forever nights with my girls.
- realized that i'm still growing and that it's okay to not be sure of everything.

ahhh... not too shabby of a year. but, now, onto 2003! and here are a few things to look forward to - because you REALLY want to know.
- visiting london
- going to see david gray in concert
- turning 24 (eek!) - with my body turning 48 or so
- working full-time and going to school full-time
- commuting to uic from skokie with the chicago skyline being the only thing saving me from the headaches of traffic
- dreaming up of ways to go back to england to live - i WILL marry an englishmen!
- realizing that i'm still growing and that it's okay not to be sure of everything

two thousand and three, here we go!!!!

:: debbie 1/03/2003 01:19:00 am [+] ::
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