:: The Princess Diaries ::

:: 24.7.04 ::

for quite some time now, all signs have been leading me out and away. out of what i've known my whole life - the comforts and the old paths and roads - and away from those i've known for years and the common. so, if by the end, there continues to be no real reason for me to stay (family illness, relationship(s) worth investing in, job offer i can't refuse, or serious financial hardship), i'll be following the signs.

it was never my plan to come back to chicago after graduating. what turned out to be a 'break' turned into three years of working and graduate school. but, i'm almost at the end of both my committments. my turn is coming up. the place i grew up had stopped growing up along with me a long time ago. everything that once was, wasn't meant to be anymore - for me. it's so hard to be a changed person in a place that refuses to accept and follow change. so, i'm finally going to grow up in the way that was meant for me, not what others intended for me.

:: debbie 7/24/2004 08:32:00 pm [+] ::
...

sure, it's sad. it's sad to think that after all these years, i can just let go. but, sometimes, that's what needs to happen. as time goes on, it becomes more and more apparent (to me) that this is over. 'cause i won't move from my stance and am tired of running after something that wasn't there to begin with. i am tired of giving and giving when nothing is to be received. and i am just tired of the excuses, 'cause we aren't children anymore. it's not about being mad, 'cause i'm not. and it certainly isn't about being jealous. it's about being insulted in the worst way. i'm too old for the drama and for the games. i'm tired. the final straw has broken the camel's back, so i'm completely done with it all. i won't hold out for anything anymore. and the only hope in restoring anything lies in others. it's time for us to all grow up.

:: debbie 7/10/2004 12:38:00 pm [+] ::
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