:: The Princess Diaries ::

:: 28.6.05 ::

never in my life have i caved into this sort of pressure. i've been able to live most of my life not all that concerned about my weight. sure, there were times when things got a bit out of control, but i modified my diet a bit and that was that. i've had my share of days when my clothes didn't fit right, but i just changed and problem solved. i figured that with time, the bloating would go away or the weight would come off. no big deal. so, what gives?
with mina's wedding quickly approaching (only four days to go), i'm finding myself in a really bad situation. my bridesmaid's dress doesn't fit. in fact, it hurts to wear it. i'm in big trouble. i don't have time on my side, so i'm freaking out here. i've been asking everyone and anyone what i can do. i've got some interesting advice and i'm taking it all. at this point, i'm willing to try anything. well, almost anything. is it working? don't know. i hope something works. one thing is for sure: i'm really hungry. i'm hungry for the foods i normally eat and want to eat. i'm hungry for coffee, salty foods, sweet foods, and so much more. this is going to be the ultimate exercise in self-control and i hate it. i hate it with all my heart.

this is going to be the worst week of my life.

:: debbie 6/28/2005 09:18:00 pm [+] ::
...

what entails living an ordinary life? does it mean working a 9-5 job, getting married, having 2.5 kids, and living in a house with a white picket fence? maybe it's doing and living your life the way others expect you to. whatever it is, i don't want to live it. i'm beginning to wonder if i set myself up to live an ordinary life. because i feel myself slowly giving into it. don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with working 9-5, starting a family, and settling down. but, it's not for everyone and it's not for me - right now.
not too long ago, i told myself that when i finished grad school, i would pick up and move to another city or country. but, adult responsibilities have overcome me. so, i'm finding myself going for economic stability, fulfilling family obligations, and accepting the circumstances surrounding my life. my dreams seem to be getting further and further away from me. i keep making excuses of why i should stay where i am and keep putting off when i'm going to take my next step. i'm becoming too comfortable, but not satisfied.
what's it going to take to change all this? i don't know. i keep hoping for ideal situations and "a sign" from Above. but, i know there's more to it. and while comfort is nice, satisfaction is even better. ten or twenty years from now, i don't want to have any regrets and wonder "what if?" i can't live like that. i just can't.
so, what's it going to take go cause a change? i still don't know.

:: debbie 6/19/2005 09:06:00 pm [+] ::
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