:: The Princess Diaries ::

:: 20.8.07 ::

i'm a person who needs closure. whether that closure leads to broken relationships or new and better experiences, i just need it. i need it to give me the green light to move on with my life without wondering "what if?" or having it hold me back.

five years ago, i ventured off to oxford, england. what was supposed to be a time of travel and study became the best time of my life. after i came back, the following year was a time of self-realization, fun times, fond memories, and experiences & people i still can't let go of. an encounter in charlotte reminded me of that time and i've found myself dwelling on this again to the point that i can't sleep. it's been a long time, but i need to do something about it. my options are limited and it may not even be a viable choice. but, it's all i've got right now. i feel like if i can close this chapter of my life, i can be freed of it and move on with my life. no more comparisons. no more fruitless hope.

the results can either be one of excitement and elation. or, it could be one of disappointment and hardening of the heart. whatever the outcome is, i have to at least try. the lack of closure has left this part of my life hanging and me emotionally entwined with it. i do want to put it behind me. i want to be able to look back with fondness and without heartache. and, until i can get closure in some form, i will continue to wonder "what if?" and hang on to my own detriment.

so, we'll see. we'll see if i can find some closure. i acknowledge that there's danger in this and that it's maybe not the most healthy way of living. but, if it means being able to truly let go and moving on freely, so be it.

:: debbie 8/20/2007 01:20:00 am [+] ::
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